I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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