fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
