and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
