She said her name was "party"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
