can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
