Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
