How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
