the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
