I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
