this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
