i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
