I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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