I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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