Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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