I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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