woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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