I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I bet he comes in French.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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