there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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