i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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