My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
