just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
