Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Is it because I queefed?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
