As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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