Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
