Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize