i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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