Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
