I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We talked him into tasing himself.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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