Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We are two peas in an std pod
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Boobs speak an international language.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
