There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I cockslap morals
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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