So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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