Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
