So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
