Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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