We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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