So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize