used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I forget how to act sober
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