Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hippo gnu deer
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
