Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
