KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
