John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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