tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
