I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
