My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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