is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my being single is dangerous.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
