Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
