Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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