I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
