so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
