guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize