If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
