Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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