So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
