Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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