yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
