No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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