I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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