all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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