I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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