At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
