My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
