he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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