Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
