So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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